Mars and Venus indeed

We are room spray aficionados in this house. I love having and using wonderful smelling home scents, and of course, in the bathroom, they are especially lovely. Getting husband to embrace scents that I like has been a bit of a challenge. We've established that he likes vanilla based scents the best. I am always checking out the scent selections at Bath and Body Works, and when I was at the mall several weeks ago, I came upon their Sandalwood Vanilla room spray. Oh my. It smelled heavenly. So, I brought some home and put it in the bathroom.

A week or so later, a friend at work had a basket of the Scentsy spray collection samples, which a friend of hers sells. I poured through the basket of scents, and found a couple I liked, Vanilla Creme and Baked Apple Pie. I ordered them, and when they arrived, put the Vanilla Creme in the bathroom next to the Sandalwood Vanilla spray.

Over a few weeks of use, I decided I liked the Sandalwood Vanilla better, and further, that the Scentsy brand spray seemed to be less able to dissipate in the air, and would often leave a sticky residue on the floor and surfaces. Didn't like that at all. As the Sandalwood Vanilla spray, which we both seemed to be using most often was almost empty, I asked husband, "So, do you like that Sandalwood Vanilla spray?" He heartily replied, "Oh, yeah, that's the ticket and it's the only one I am using."

With that hearty endorsement, I decided to order more. And, because Bath and Body tends to discontinue scents the way some stars go through spouses, I ordered quite a few to have in the closet since we both like it so much. I even ordered a couple of their Wallflower plug-ins in the same scent to use in the small half bath downstairs, and in the basement. Well, all this arrived on Thursday, and it was just in time, as the bottle was almost empty in the bathroom. I put a new Sandalwood Vanilla in the bath, and took the Scentsy spray out.

Saturday morning, husband turns to me and says, "So, where is that spray that I like in the bathroom?" "Uh, it's on the back of the toilet. That's a new bottle," I said happily. He looked confused and said, "I liked the one in the brown bottle. It's the only one I was using." "Uh, excuse me, but you told me you like the Bath and Body Sandalwood Vanilla the best and so I told you I was going to order more of it?" He says, "Oh, is that the name of it? I don't use that one at all, and don't really like that scent. I like the one in the brown bottle. I thought that was the one you were talking about, " he said, as if I were the one who was confused. Seriously. Seriously???

Mars. Venus. And now, a closet full of scent that he thinks stinks. Would anyone like to try some lovely Bath and Body Sandalwood Vanilla home spray? I have three which need a good home and an appreciative nose. So, the first three souls who are interested and send a snail mail address to journeythroughgraceATgmailDOTcom can have one to enjoy. Yes, I know. You feel my pain.

Wine chuckle

So, I'm at the Food Lion in the wine aisle looking for some favorites
when I spot this bottle, and literally laugh out loud!
In the cart it went!
The back of the label reads:

See No Evil. Hear No Evil. Speak No Evil.
Dating back to the 8th century, this Three Wise Monkey
proverb was introduced to Japan by a Buddhist monk from
China. Long believed by many winemakers to be the most
difficult grape to grow and craft into wine, Pinot Noir often
seems possessed if not downright evil. We prefer to view Pinot
Noir as a guilty pleasure.

And with this philosophy in mind, Pinot Evil dances with a
lovely ripe cherry nose that cascades into a smooth, velvet
finish. Enjoy it with roasted duck, rosemary-garlic pork, or
with friends when you just monkey around.

Well, I just believe I shall!

Pop-up thunderboomers

Thankfully, unlike last spring, we are getting a good bit of rain.
The drought conditions last summer became really scary when
discussions ensued about what would happen when a city the size
of Atlanta ran out of water. So, this year, we all have heaved a big
sigh of relief, even though it seems that we are getting pop up
showers at least every other day or so.

Wednesday evening, the sky grew dark, and the thunder could
be heard in the distance. I walked out on the deck to look up at
an ominous sky, and yet, smiled and gave thanks for the beloved
showers that Mother Nature has graced us with this spring season.

Now this is a cool feature!

We've been using Google for our home page for some time now,
and I've really enjoyed it. Not only do they have a very cool layout,
but they have loads and loads of tools you can add to personalize your page.

As I was searching for more of a summer theme the other day, I found
a feature they've added which lets you use your own photos to create a
header for your home page!

So, I chose a photo we took at Cheekwood Botanical Garden
and cropped it a bit (that part was a bit tricky) and look at the results!
You can also choose the color theme to go along with your photo header.
Now, that is one cool tool!
iGoogle rocks!

More and more babies!

The Brown-headed nuthatches have been bu-sy here on Chickadee!
They nested in the wonderfully nuthatch-sized Trex house again this year
and had their first brood fledge recently.

There must be at least six or more of them vying for mom's attention
and they'll come to the feeders all together. They will perch and then flap
their wings madly as she gathers peanuts from the feeder hoping to be the lucky recipient!

It's decision time

(View from the upstairs window looking down over the pool area.)

Last August, I wrote about our struggles with the pool
we inherited when we purchased this home in 2006.
We closed the pool last September and have mulled over
what to do about it since. The liner did, thankfully, adhere
back in to the sidewall, but left lots of wrinkles along the way.

(View of the steps coming down from the deck to the pool.)

As the spring has progressed, we've both been dreading dealing
with opening it. Like I mentioned last fall, we are not huge pool
people and Sam does not care about it one way or the other. All I
see ahead is lots of constant maintenance, pool chemicals, hundreds
of dollars in utility bills, and grumbling as the summer goes along.
All this to have it open basically June, July, and August.
If the former owners had been a bit more restrained, they would
have put in something MUCH smaller than this 18' x 36' monster,
and used the space more wisely. As you can see, it's pretty much
all long pool with a tad of concrete around it.
Fine I suppose if you are Michael Phelps, but...

(View from the master bath window with the pool open.)

So, the other day as we were discussing the eventuality of
opening it, I piped up and said, "Well, you know, we really
don't have to open it. We could just leave the tarp on for this
season until we make a decision." That's about all it took for
major discussion to ensue about the logistics of filling the
sucker in and creating some other sort of space there.
Didn't take long for us to come to a unanimous decision of two.
We are going to demo the pool. Yep. We are. I called my
magic landscaper, Janet, who will be coming by this week to
estimate and help us plan for something much more aesthetically pleasing.

(The entrance through the lower gate.)

I envision a beautiful garden spot with a gazebo. I see us
possibly getting rid of the white vinyl fence all together,
though we'll have to have some sort of 3'+ edging along the
upper length and along the back due to the approximately
5' drop off where the retaining wall is constructed.
I can't wait to explore the possibilities!!
This will make for some wonderful blog fodder, no? :c)

For all you did and gave...

(Photo from Arlington National Cemetery's website)

THANK YOU....

May we all pause to remember those who gave their all.

Baby Downy

We were in the kitchen when we heard a commotion on the deck outside.
A bird was chirping loudly. As I looked out the window, I saw something
leap from the deck into the grass. Hmmmmm...
I grabbed my camera and ran outside and saw this sweetness fluttering in the grass!

I watched quietly from a distance while he made his way towards the tree line.
If you'll look closely you can see little red pin feathers on the back of his head.
He would attempt to fly, and end up splattered on the ground, again and again.
All the while, he was yelling loudly for mom or dad.

He finally made his way to a pine tree and headed upwards where he
appeared to be more comfortable in his footing. Halfway up he
took a break and continued to chirp. Adorable!

Rest in Peace Restaurant

OK, so I've loved the Sweet Potato Queens ever since a friend introduced me to them in 2001, and have read almost all of Jill Conner Browne's hysterical books. As some light reading, I downloaded The Sweet Potato Queens' First Big-Ass Novel: Stuff We Didn't Actually Do, But Could Have, And May Yet to my Kindle. I finished reading it during our trip to Nashville. No SPQ book is complete without some absolutely decadent recipes. In this book, some of the queens discuss the idea of opening a restaurant called the Rest in Peace, where you can enjoy foods only found at Southern funerals. I mean, after all, "why should you have to wait for someone to die in order to enjoy this kind of food?" I laughed and laughed as I read through some of the recipes, but this one reeeeeally got my attention. Whoooweeeee... can you even imagine it? Anyone care to test it out and let us know just how decadent this stuff is????

MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN IN MAC 'N' CHEESE

Cook a 12oz package of pasta - shells or rotini

To make the sauce:
Melt 1 stick of butter and add 3/4 cup of flour, stirring briskly.
Add 2 cups of hot milk, 1 tsp. seasoned salt, and 1/2 tsp black pepper,
continuously stirring until it thickens.
Then add 1 overflowing cup of shredded Cheddar and heat until the cheese is melted.

Meanwhile, fry up 12 strips of bacon and crumble.

In some of the bacon grease, fry a chopped onion and 1 cup of sliced mushrooms.

Mix the pasta, the onion and mushrooms, the cheese sauce,
and the bacon, and to that add a pound of shredded
Cheddar or Monterey Jack and stir it all up well.
Pour into a greased 13 x 9 x 2" pan.

On top of that, place as many frozen Tater Tots as will fit on there in a single layer!

AND, sprinkle that with grated Parmesan cheese and
bake at 375 degrees for about an hour, or until it's bubbly and the Tots are crispy.

This will serve as many people as you can bring yourself to share it with -
usually a pretty short list!

5 Ways to Misery

I've seen this on several other blogs lately,
and just had to share it here.
Sound like anyone you know?
Lots of food for thought!

Ribbit, ribbit

Yet some more friends we met at the botanical gardens.
These guys were HUGE and were croaking to beat the band!

It's hard to see just how iridescent green they were
sitting in this pond, enjoying the mud and the sunshine.

Stevia's sweetness?

OK, so I'll admit it.... I like my coffee pretty darn sweet. And, I am the first one to say that I think the effort to develop less "artificial" sweeteners is a good and healthy thing. Years and eons ago, all we had was that nasty liquid sweetener which was followed by a powdered version, Sweet N Low. For years, it was our only choice, and even when health concerns were raised about the safety of saccharine, it remained on the market, and many still love it, though it is too bitter for my taste. Then came aspartame and Equal was born. It was soooooo much better than saccharine, and soooooo much less bitter. Nirvana. But again, people were concerned about the "artificial" aspect of it and wondered if it was healthy to use. That in turn gave birth to more research and sucralose... the introduction of Splenda. Even though Splenda is not "natural," the marketing for it capitalizes on the fact that it is derived from sugar. Truth be known, we'd all probably be better off not using any of them, but using pure sugar is not a great caloric option either.

Enter the newest sweetener to come to market, Truvia, which is derived from a plant, stevia. It truly is supposed to be natural without being chemically altered. I decided to give it a whirl and bought a box of packets. The first thing I noticed is that the packets are BIG, much bigger than a packet of Equal or Splenda. I happily poured a good amount of the powder into my coffee the other morning. I shall not admit HOW many I used.... ahem. Suffice to say that I felt it would be comparable to the amount of Splenda I currently use. And? And? Uh.... well. It just didn't taste right to me. There was an underlying taste I could not put my finger on, and the sweetness meter... not very high for me. Sigh. I wanted to like it, I really did. Maybe I should give it another whirl and see if I could get used to it. Or, maybe I should TRY to learn to drink my coffee black. Just the thought of that last option made me crinkle my nose as I was typing.

Slow moving friend

When we were at Cheekwood, we came upon this slow moving
friend who was more than happy to stop and pose for some photos!
Anyone know what he is?
All I could find most similar is a Red-eared slider?

Cheekwood Gardens

We're back from our trip to Nashville, and had a nice time.
When we checked the forecast and saw that rain was in the plans
for most of the day on Friday and Saturday, we headed out to
Cheekwood Botanical Garden first thing Friday morning.

We first visited back in 2004, and it was in the early fall then.
So much was bloomed out, including the ornamental grasses, and
I just knew we had to someday go back in the spring.

But, alas, we were sort of in-between seasons it seemed. The
early spring blooms were gone, and the early summer things were
only beginning to bloom. Tired pansies were being dug up and replaced
while we were there, and so we were a few weeks late (or a few weeks
early) to see the spring/summer colors.
But, it is a beautiful place just the same, and we got in two
hours of walking the grounds and soaking in the beauty
before the heavens opened and soaked the earth.

Grown-up Meme

Shamelessly stolen from I'm Downtown.... a grown up meme!

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Hubby's car lease payment... it's exorbitant, and makes me ill to pay so much to "rent" a car. Thankfully, he's over having "the cool car" though there is still a year left...uck.

2. Do you miss being a child?
Not in the least. I was a chubby, insecure kid. Nope, don't want to go back there, not even for a moment.

3. Chore you hate the most?
Going through "the stack" that forms on the kitchen counter after weeks of throwing stuff there.

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
At a nice, swanky restaurant in downtown City by the River... I even blogged about it.

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I would not have gotten married after dating only six months. (For the record, not sure hubby would have either!)

6. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Smith (no kidding) and she always boosted my self-esteem by asking me to read to the class... See Jane run. Run Jane run.

7. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Oh, exploring Ireland maybe?

8. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A creative advertising person

9. How many colleges did you attend?
Just one, and was on the four year plan and did actually graduate in four years.

10. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Hubby cast it away, it's large, and it's comfy.

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
When are we really ever going to get serious about eliminating our dependence on foreign oil?

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
That I thankfully did not wake up during the night hot as all hell.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Uh, those would be private... ahem.

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Anne Lamott

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
I did rear end a woman once... minor fender bender.

16. If you didn’t have to work, would you volunteer?
Most definitely.

17. Get up early or sleep in?
Up early.

18. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Charlie Brown

20. When did you first start feeling old?
Am I old? Really?
OK, so maybe when I found that first black hair growing out of my lip.

21. Favorite lunch meat?
Honey Ham

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Lander 3 in 1 Lavender Bubble Bath/Body Wash/Shampoo

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
I think people cling to it too vehemently. It's right for some, not right for others. The reasons why women used to have to get married have changed.
It is more of a choice now, not a necessity.

24. Favorite movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out about?
LOL... probably Animal House... (as I recite most of the lines along with the characters)... "Wait til Otis sees us! He loves us!"

25. What’s your favorite drink?
Currently Crystal Light Raspberry Green Tea, and for an adult beverage... probably a nice glass of Pinot Noir

26. Who[m] from high school would you like to run in to?
Steve Anderson... Steve? Are you out there? You were such a nice guy. Wish I'd seen that then.

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Sirius/XM's The Bridge

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Definitely Desperate Housewives, though I tired of it a couple of years ago after the poor mentally handicapped guy was kept locked in the basement.
What were the writers thinking???

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
My not really giving my college sweetheart a true second chance

30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
I pretty much like all the people I work with thankfully.

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
Only to prove I could for a hospital fire drill?

32. Last book you finished reading?
Memory Lessons by Jerald Winekur

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are leaving in the morning for a long weekend away in
Nashville. It's been too long since we've had any time away
and Sam will be staying with Nana and Papa. We hope to
visit some botanical gardens and other nice places and I'll
hopefully have some lovely photos to share on our return.
Hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week and weekend ahead.

Blooming where you are planted

When we moved into this house, the previous owners had
planted various and sundry things which were not necessarily
put in optimal places. One of those was this poor rhododendron.
It is located in a small side bed going up to the pool in an area
where it gets lots of water run off. It was living, and so we let it be.

For most of the year, it looks a bit stressed with yellowed leaves
due to the roots being too wet, but, for whatever reason, it continues
to hang on in this location, and it blooms each year.
I suppose at some point we should consider relocation, but for
now, we'll just enjoy it's yearly beauty.

Homemade with love

My mom and I were having a conversation last week about how special
those little homemade gifts were that we made in school for Mother's Day.
It got my brain to thinking... hmmmm... what could I do for her to create
something special? When my sister said she was going to get her some books
to read, the idea for some bookmarks started forming in my head.

I used some of my bird photos, added some of my favorite
quotes/sayings to decorate them, and found some ribbons on gift tags
to use on them as well. I thought they turned out nicely and she was so
very touched by the idea of a "grown up" handmade gift to treasure.

To "mothers" everywhere today

From Colleen's journal...

On Friday morning, Colleen wrote...

Thank God! Thank God and thank all of you! Ellie’s surgery is finishing up right now and we have had the most incredible news. Dr. B came up about 30 minutes ago to tell us that when he opened her up there was NO TUMOR on the left side. That was our big area of concern because Dr. G had never seen a tumor cross over to the left lobe and he was fearful that it may be a glioma tumor or that the original tumor just was not responding to all of the treatment Ellie had. Only by the grace of God was there nothing there. It was there and now it is not. Only God can do this. There was scar tissue on the right frontal lobe that Dr. B completely removed. [He] told us he probed the left side and took some biopsies of brain but he saw no tumor to remove. The biopsies will be sent off to pathology for further testing as will the scar tissue that he took from the right side... God is there my friends, this I promise you. Most brain surgery patients head to ICU after surgery for at least a day to be monitored closely. Not Ellie. She did so well that she is coming back to her room. We will go down to recovery to be there when she wakes up in just a few minutes. I will update more later on - just had to share with you all our wonderful news and how blessed we are... Thank you from the depths of our souls.

~~~~~~~~~~

I know Colleen and her family thanks you all for your prayers for Ellie.
A wonderful outcome... thanks be to God. :c)

Peace

PEACE

Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Do not set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Do not let your years slip through your fingers by living in the past, nor in the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Do not be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly.

Do not dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life so fast that you forget
not only where you have been, but also where you are going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

~~Neva Thorp

Tomorrow at 8AM EST...

Photo of Ellie taken by Colleen 5/2/09

If you would, send up a prayer or a good thought to Ellie. Colleen, her mom, is a fellow birder and blogger, and tomorrow at 8AM, Ellie will be having surgery at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital Le Bonheur Children's Hospital in Memphis. Ellie is a beautiful, bright 6 year old princess, who, last year was diagnosed with an s-PNET brain tumor. Tomorrow she will undergo her third brain surgery to see if they can completely remove the small amount of residual tumor after her chemo and radiation which finished up at the end of last year. As Colleen bravely wrote in her journal:

"We have to endure trials and hardships to understand and truly appreciate the beauty and the best that life has to offer. Nothing feels as good as a warm sunny day after a week of gray skies and let me tell you, there is nothing as sweet and liberating than seeing your child happy, healthy and full of love after going through a period of uncertainty and illness. Ellie has championed over adversity the last year. She has taught us so many positive lessons and she has brought the love and mercy of God into our lives. As her mother I am concerned about a third brain surgery. I don’t want to see the tears that I know are coming when they access her vein on Thursday morning. I don’t want them to cut open her head and expose the most vital organ in her body to dissection. I don’t want to fear a slip of the surgeon’s hand or a rare side effect of sedation or a risk of infection after they close her up. All of that runs through my mind, not to mention the fact that there is still a cancerous volcano attached to her brain that can decide to blow at any minute. As you can see, I could easily work myself into a panic if I wanted to. But I don’t want to do that. What is that going to accomplish? Who wins when we decide to have fear and worry? Not me, not Ellie and certainly not God. So I am taking all of the energy I could use for worrying and giving it all to God. I am praising Him for caring for her the way He has and I am on my knees thanking Him for never leaving us and for continuing to see us through. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY and I know because I have His love and peace in my heart that it is a certainty that Ellie will be fine.

I am asking for your help too. Having peace during a time like this is essential. I know your prayers over the last 13 months have given Steve and me that peace. Please continue to pray that the surgery removes the tumor and does no harm to Ellie. Please ask God to let her wake up the same sweet little girl that she was when she went to sleep. Her surgery begins at 7am central time on Friday morning. That is 8am for those on the east coast. If you can, please take a moment around that time to pray for Ellie or to send a positive thought for a successful surgery. There is power in prayer, we have seen it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ellie, Colleen... know that I will be thinking of you
and your family, and just know that all will be well.

Well, hello there!

I was looking out towards the feeders last night wishing, wishing
someone would come to visit besides the Pine Siskins, when I noticed
a bird at the platform feeder by the swing. She had her back to me
initially, but I could see a rather big looking beak and ran for the camera.

It was around 7:45 outside, so the lighting was poor, but I fired off
some shots before a huge dove plunked herself in the feeder and
scared this visitor off. When I loaded the photos, I was so happy
and surprised to see.... a female Blue Grosbeak? Or is it a female Indigo Bunting?
I only got to see her for probably 30 seconds, but she seemed larger.

If it is a female grosbeak, it's a new bird for Chickadee!
I've seen a male once or twice a season, but never
have seen a female. Could I ever be lucky enough to get a shot of her
along with her beautiful blue hubby if that's what she is?
A girl can dream... and put out some more white proso millet.

So, what say you???

After the rain...

Last night, we were outside trying to get some mowing/weed pulling done
after the more than 4" of rain that has fallen since Friday, when
suddenly the skies opened up once again with a shower.

Once we hurried inside, the sun began to shine, and I just knew...
Sure enough, I looked out the window, and there was the hugest rainbow
over the ridge visible from the deck. Raindrops be damned, I had to get
some photos as it was simply breathtaking!

Dear Ms Special Education Teacher

Dear Ms "I've been in Special Ed" for twenty some years,

At our IEP meeting on Wednesday, you sat across the table from me, having never met me, and not having my son in any of your classes, and proceeded to make me feel like a failure as a parent. I know this was not your intent. I know that in your heart, you were only stating opinions you thought would be helpful, but you need to know that I left feeling beaten down and inadequate. You need to know that the only thing I felt we accomplished was to remind me that Sam is not nearly as independent as you all think he should be. You stated that he is too dependent on people around him to help him (you didn't name his parapro, Ms E, but you may as well have) and that we should be expecting more from him. You repeatedly queried me as to what we expect of him here at home ("You mean he doesn't make his bed, mom?"), and you all but chided me that he's not been away from home overnight except to his grandparents house. You and the Voc/Ed lady were both rather incredulous at that fact. When you asked what I thought about his maybe being in a regular ed co-teaching class for Language Arts next year, since his scores are so high in that area, I was agreeable until the director of Special Ed piped up to offer that he "would be expected to have and complete homework." Years ago, we learned that bringing "the H word home" does nothing but stress him to the point where he becomes very negative about school in general. When I reiterated this fact which is written into his IEP, you look pointedly at me and said, "Well, we all have to learn to do things we don't necessarily want to do." I am surprised you weren't patting my head as you said it. In the end, I did not feel we really accomplished much at all in the meeting. I still do not know what his schedule will be for next year, and am confused about our options overall.

I know you felt the meeting went well, but you did not see me walk down the hall with Ms E afterwards, confused and feeling annoyed as all hell. It was the most odd IEP meeting I've ever attended in all the 10 years I've been having them with this county. I talked at length with Ms E afterwards, who also felt as if she was constantly having to defend herself and explain how she sees her role with Sam as this juncture. The bottom line is that once I got home, I wrote to the Director who was present and carbon copied it to the Asst. Principal. We will be having another meeting before school is out. And this time, you will be the one to listen to me. For you see, it took some sorting through all these feelings you stirred up, but with a bit of thought, I got my mojo back, and this is what you will come to understand:

*You were not handed a box of tissues when he was 3 and told that on the CARS scale, he demonstrated moderate to severe autism, and that he might never talk to you.

*You did not spend endless hours seeking something more to do for him, happening upon a parent forum on ABA, and decide to take him out of the county system, much to the chagrin and disagreement of said school system, and decide to embark upon the toughest three years of your life.

*You did not leave your job, fly a consultant in from Los Angeles, and learn how to set up a home-based behavioral intervention program, where you were the lead therapist, while you trained others as well to provide up to six hours a day of 1:1 teaching.

*You don't understand that his being able to read at at grade level 12 all started one day with my putting the letter "A" on a card and giving the command, "Touch A" as I guided his little hand to the card.

*You don't know, how after almost three years of this intensive teaching, and seeing him make all sort of gains, I still had to come to terms with the agony that the autism was never going away and my struggle with the thought that I did not work hard enough.

*You don't know about the fact that his dad has had nothing to do with any of this effort and intervention... ever. You don't know how it feels to be in this journey alone. I won't even bore you with the struggles related to that.

*You don't understand how, because of all of this, I've sort of surrendered to the autism. Years ago, I started down the path of least resistance because, in order to maintain my own life and sanity, I had to find peace and harmony in my life.

*You also don't understand what the past few years have been like as Sam started into puberty. You have never seen him so angry and unable to be rational that you were afraid of your own child. You've never had to resign yourself to the fact that you could not longer "make" him do anything, as he was bigger than you, and could not back down when he was really angry.

*You don't understand that getting him to come to school with a good attitude, and keeping him from escalating when he was overwhelmed became a full time mission for me and (God love her) Ms E. You never saw the times she was pinched, shoved, grabbed etc. because she never let you all know. She removed him from situations before he could escalate further into his anger and anxiety.

*You don't understand how grateful and relieved I was to find a psychiatrist to see him and that she had knowledge of what might help and that we started him on a medication this past fall that all but eliminated the aggressive behaviors.

*You think he's much more independent than he is because you don't see how Ms E is tuned into him so well that she intervenes the minute she sees that he is getting saturated, overwhelmed, or anxious. Her mere presence in the room with him is enough to give him reassurance that he is OK and can be successful.

So, unless you've taken the journey I've taken over the past 13 years, you have no right to suggest what will be best for my son or to somehow end up making me feel inadequate. As I said in the meeting, I take one day at a time. I have no clue what the next two years will bring, and until I find that crystal ball on eBay, I'll just keep doing what I know to do.... trust my gut and be the best parent I can be one year, one month, one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

I am looking so forward to our next meeting. Really.

Good lessons by the good doctor

Several weeks back, Ruth introduced and discussed this wonderful book on her blog. I was intrigued by the review she posted, and searched it out to load to my Kindle. I finished reading it within a few days, and was so very moved.

Dr. Winakur is a new hero. His frank and raw honesty, not only about how we approach care in the elderly, but his journey with his own father's decline, brought tears to my eyes many times, and I found myself shaking my head in the affirmative as I read certain passages:

"The families are suffering. These people watch a loved one diminish, retreat from life into a shell, where the withered self no longer communicates or responds in any meaningful way. Doctors can almost always relieve the pain; morphine has been around a long time. But most of us fail to treat suffering, the existential morass of losses before actual death - of independence, mutually supportive companionship, of self-hood. And fear of the unknown. We often fail our patients and their families because we avoid their gaze and their hard questions, apprehensive over what we ourselves might see in their eyes."

The statistics are shocking in terms of just how many "older" Americans there will be in the coming years, and how woefully ill prepared the medical community is in preparation for the burden of their care. So many new physicians are specializing that it seems as if the needs of our aging population are fully being ignored. It is almost as if we are in denial about how to respectfully treat the aging patient, and that is infinitely sad. At a time when people need honest dialogue and discussions about quantity vs quality of life, there are few practitioners available who can, or want to, provide this guidance.

I commend Dr. Winakur for bringing these issues to the forefront and highly recommend this excellent book to anyone who is thinking about this upcoming journey for their loved ones.

Serve with love

One of the facilitators who worked with us during our blueprint conference shared that she loves to cook and share her best recipes with others. She was telling us all about a simple recipe for Chicken Parmesan that she learned to make from an adorable Italian grandmother/neighbor when she was first married. She said that her kids ask her to make it each and every time they come home. The key, she said, is the fresh basil.

When we got back, she kept her promise to send it to us all, and so, for your enjoyment, here is Sherry's "to die for" Chicken Parmesan.


CHICKEN PARMESAN

Pound chicken breast to about ½ inch thick.
Dredge in milk and egg mixture (2 eggs and about ½ cup of milk).
Dredge chicken in Italian Breadcrumb and Parmesan Mixture (about ¾ cup bread crumbs and ½ cup Parmesan cheese and mix together).
Brown- cook in olive oil.
Save the oil and add white wine or I use chicken broth stir to create roux.
It will not be much less than a ¼ of oil/broth mixture.
Place chicken on baking pan.
Slice tomato and place on top of each piece of chicken.
Chop fresh basil and place on top of tomato.
Place a slice of mozzarella cheese on top of basil/tomato.
Bake in oven until cheese melted.
Remove from oven and drizzle with the roux mixture!
Serve with love

Where is the humanity?

*A photo of Sam back in 2003, enjoying JWC's book*

My heart is heavy. So very heavy...

Back in 2006, I posted about our friend, JWC:

Back in November of 2002, Sam wondered upon a train web site to explore. He found all sorts of cool photos on the site, and one interested him enough to draw it out as he saw it in the photo. He called me upstairs to see it, and as I explored the website, I found that it was part of the site for our local railroad museum. The book it came from was written about the history of the museum, and was authored by a local gentleman. I thought it was cool that Sam was so inspired to "draw" this photo, and so emailed the talented photojournalist and author to share it with him and tell him a bit about Sam and his love for trains. Thus was the beginning of a most beautiful friendship with JWC. God brings all sorts of people into our lives for various reasons, and our hearts grow by just getting the privilege of knowing them. That's how I feel about our special friend. He has met us at the museum to give Sam an "inside tour" and has shared Sam's struggles and drawings with the "backshop gang" at the museum who work to restore locomotives. Sam knows that JWC is a "railroad buff just like me," and his copy of JWC's book is dogeared it's been enjoyed so much over the years.

~~~~~~~~~

We've stayed in touch with our friend over the years, and I've watched him live his life graciously while struggling with a diagnosis of CIDP. He's written so eloquently about it in places on the web, and I've often wondered how he does all he continues to do. He receives monthly infusions of IVIG to keep his disease in check. It's expensive and physically draining, I am sure. Sadly, more hardship entered his life when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer the first of this year. It's invasive. It will require chemo, surgery, radiation, and more chemo. As if they needed any more struggles.

His job used to entail on site photojournalism, but as his disease progressed, his duties were transitioned to management of staff photographers and assignment editors. A job that he's done, even with the physical challenges, working second shift, for years now.

So, why is my heart so heavy? Because I received an email from him to let me know that he went to work this week, and was told his position has been eliminated due to budget cuts. Five days short of thirty years at the newspaper, and he was let go. So I ask you... where is the reward for giving 30 years of your time and talent. Where is the humanity here? Please pray for JWC and his family.