Retirement home?

Honest to goodness... I am finding myself more in love with this house in Sea Pines each day. I wake up each morning, and can see myself living here in this house (probably in Northwest Georgia, of course) for eternity and being happy. I love this house so much that I may just try and contact the owners to see if I can find out the name of the architect so I can possibly purchase a copy of the house plan. I have gone as far as to sketch it out on paper so I don't have to rely totally on my memory, yet I certainly don't have it to scale or proper dimension. There is a level of comfort and peace in this layout which provides more than adequate room and quiet, without ever having to go upstairs. We've talked several times about moving once Sam is out of school into a place where we can retire and be for the long term, and I am sure a house like this could be that place for us. Maybe there's a reason we were led here to this specific spot on vacation? :c)

Yesterday was spent walking, soaking up the beautiful weather, and reading a new Lisa Jackson novel, Shiver, which has turned out to be a real page turner. The weather was in the high 80's, but with the breeze, it does not feel hot at all. Plus, we have so much natural shade with the huge trees behind the deck, that we're never in the direct hot glare of the sun. Sam is enjoying the pool so much, though now that he has glasses, he does not want to take them off to dive under, and so he plays in the pool with totally dry hair! Cute photos of Sam with noodles forthcoming. I am off to walk back into the trees... and dream of retirement.

Pedals Inc. delivers a new experience

I've gone on and on to husband about the wonderful bike trail, and have encouraged him to walk it. He did not show much interest, but yesterday, the bug bit him. He's not a walker, but just out of the blue he said, "I think I'll see about renting a bike." Sure enough, right there in the yellow pages he found Pedals Inc. Not only will they rent you a bike, but they'll bring it right to your door for the low, low price of $27 for the week. The delivery guy came around 11:30 and excited husband took off down the bike trail. :c) He's not been on a bike in years, and so I was very proud of him. Because of Sam's limited interests, it's hard for us to do things like this as a family, and husband generally does not like to go by himself, but by golly, he did it and enjoyed himself thoroughly. As a matter of fact, he went out again after dinner as the sun was starting to set and because it was past 7PM, he found he was able to veer off the bike path to the cart path around Harbor Town Golf Club, a place he's seen on TV but never in person. A good ride indeed.

Speaking of dinner... a new lesson learned. Do not ever take Sam to a Fudruckers ever again. I am recording it here and repeating this to myself least I forget. Way too much stimulation there. I could see the anxiety start to build as we were in line to order. Too much neon, too loud, too large, too many people, and the acoustics in there sound like you are inside a trash can. As they announced over the loud speaker when each order was ready for pick up, he would jump in his seat. By the time our name was announced, he was repeating everything I was saying and began eating hurriedly while shaking his legs. I could not get us out of there fast enough. As soon as husband finished off his burger, I boxed my salad up, and we escaped. Whew... it took him some time to cool his jets and calm down. Just another day in our life with autism... the silver lining here is that events like this no longer have the power to get me unglued for the remainder of the evening as well. And so onward with this glorious vacation we go. :c)

Church in the woods and million dollar cherries

It being Sunday morning yesterday, Sam asked me, "Mom, are you going to church?" I told him I was not, as we were on vacation. But, I was wrong. I put on my walking shoes and headed out with the iPod to the bike path to walk. I had taken maybe 50 steps when I realized that a)I had all the music I needed surrounding me, and b) this walking time was proving to be almost better than church. The bike paths snake all around this side of the island and are surrounded by huge 100 foot tall pines, old oaks with Spanish moss hanging lowly from their branches, wild magnolias, and palmetto palms. The bird symphony around me was overwhelming. I saw Brown Thrashers, Roufous Sided Towhees, Cardinals, Titmice, Chickadees, and heard, but did not see the Pileated Woodpeckers high up in the pines. As I walked, I found myself praying my prayer beads and lifting up intercessions for all those who need some extra care. Yes, indeed, I went to church.

Later, we went to Carrabbas to eat and swung by The Fresh Market as I forgot a few things at the store Saturday... ok, and I had a secret ulterior motive of some decent fruit. As I walked in, enjoying the classical music they play there as you shop, I feasted my eyes on some Rainier cherries! Oh, joy and rapture, how I LOVE Rainier cherries, and I had not yet seen any this season. Without a second thought, I put a pack of them into my basket, and proceeded to gather the remaining items we needed. Once we got home, I took the receipt out of one of the bags to record the debit purchase in my checkbook. Remembering that the total was more than I'd expected it to be, I looked over the items I'd purchased. I gulped as I realized that those lovely cherries were $10.98... um, that's $9.99/lb? In my glee, I failed to notice that little fact. Then again, we are on vacation, and so I shall relish each delicious one... albeit slowly, very, very slowly.

A spectacular start

I simply slept like a log last night. Usually, when we are away from home, I will find myself waking up during the night to different sounds and such. But, not last night. I feel like a cat up from a long satisfying nap, stretching in pure contentment as I sit here sipping my second cup of coffee and bask in the morning light pouring in from the skylight above me.

We stopped by Way South Georgia on the way here and met up with my brother-in-law, whom we'd not seen since the funeral last April. We had a nice lunch/visit and then went by the cemetery to say hey to Robert and Madge. I know she was smiling down on the beautiful mix of pink and white rose silks that the local florist had placed on their graves. It was lovely.

We arrived here in Sea Pines around 3:30pm, and got the directions to our home for the week. Spectacular is a good word to describe this place. Beautifully furnished with tall vaulted ceilings and light pouring in from every window. The back deck is so private with huge pines towering behind the pool, and a great umbrella table on the deck as well. A wonderful reading spot. We went to dinner at Longhorn and then swung by the Bi-Lo for groceries, so we are set.

Sam was initially getting anxious as we made our way here and was thinking of every reason why he'd hate this place, which is par for the course when he's faced with a new, unknown situation. Once we got here, and he explored the place, he calmed down and said, "I think I'm going to like Hilton Head." I think I am going to like Hilton Head too sweetie... very much.

I'm off to finish this coffee, put on my walking shoes, and head to the bike path through the trees to walk.

And we're off...

(Photo taken at St. George Island, FL on a previous vacation)
The suitcases are packed, the beach towels are bundled, the iPod is loaded up with music, and smiles are plastered on our faces. Must be time to head to the beach! Rest, relaxation, and 'ritas here we come! Hopefully, we'll be in touch.

Babies, babies everywhere...

I realized on Tuesday evening that the dove babies had fledged, and the poor geranium was empty and in dire need of a trimming away of all dead stems and leaves. I had not realized it had actually been two weeks since their hatching, or that they seemed anywhere near large enough to be out on their own. As a matter of fact, I was stunned to see mom again up on the basket the next day as if she was ready to start her second brood. Wednesday afternoon, I noticed two small doves sitting within the front beds, and realized that I was looking at two young fledglings. Comparing these to the photos of the baby peeking over the rim of the basket only days ago, I can't imagine these were my geranium doves. These seemed too big, but you never know. If it was them, no wonder they left! It had to be getting really crowded in there.

As I was reading up on Hilton Head in preparation for our trip, I found a wonderful article about the Audubon Newhall Preserve on the island. May just have to check that out.

We are counting down the hours. Today is a "play day" at school, and so Sam will be taking his DVD player and some movies since he's not exactly a end-of-school-dance-in-the-gym sort of guy. We're dusting off the suitcases and packing the sunscreen for a sunny, happy week ahead.

Cardinal parenting

I've not often seen Cardinal babies, but these two showed up with their dad at the feeder the other day, and were trying their best to find seed on the ground without much luck. One of them kept getting mouthfuls of grass while trying desperately to crack some sunflower seed. Mom must have been at the bird spa recovering, for only dad was around to teach these guys the ropes.




He first demonstrated to them both the finer point of picking up seed and cracking it to get to the sunflower kernel inside, but one child in particular was not interested. No, he just wanted something fed to him, and so after following his dutiful parent around and squawking loudly with his mouth open, his dad finally caved in and gave him something to fill his empty tummy.

Another turn in the road....

The results are in... the CRCT's are back.... and I am gently told that Sam did not meet the standard in any of the four academic areas. This year we provided him simply the most optimal testing environment he could have possibly had, and yet, he still failed miserably. My heart sunk. All I asked of him was to take his time, read each question, and choose what he thought was the best answer. I do think he did just that, so I am proud that he was able to attend for those five long days of testing.

"So," I asked them, "What do we do now?" I am told that if a child cannot adequately be assessed using the state mandated assessments, then there is the option of an alternative assessment. However, the only one that is currently available, is reserved for students who can't function in a regular curriculum setting, are very cognitively impaired, and results in a special education, rather than a regular education, diploma. That's not our Sam either. At the same time, it's certainly not fair the school be penalized because he can't do well on a very "gray" global assessment when he's such a "black and white" kid in the way he thinks. He goes week to week learning what's asked of him and making all A's and B's, and yet because of NCLB (thanks to the current administration), he's considered a liability to the school's ranking and may be pigeon-holed into a different category all together.

We've met many roadblocks this year as far as school is concerned, and I suppose we'll find a way to muddle through this as well. His current math teacher (and IEP coordinator) says that creation of an "in-between" assessment is underway, so we'll sit tight for now. My little square peg will never fit into that round hole, no matter how hard he tries, and I do think he's doing the very best he can, God love him.

A much needed get away

This coming Saturday, we are leaving to go on a very anticipated week away in Hilton Head, SC. Because Sam needs to be able to "be Sam" we've rented a house for the week which is a mile or so from the beach. That way we're not stuck in a hotel room because he's tired of the outdoors and wants to veg in front of his DVD player.

I intend to sit on this lovely screened porch each morning drinking coffee, listening to the birds and just fully decompressing. We only take this one week away each year, and so I shall absolutely do NotSoMuch. Husband tells me that they have wireless internet capability there, and so he'll take his laptop, which means I can indulge my passion and keep in touch with everyone here and elsewhere in blogland. And, I'll read, read, and read some more. Oh, just the thought of it makes me giddy.

Then, once I am ready, I can walk through that door on the porch, and dip into this lovely pool, or indulge in the small jacuzzi to the side as I enjoy the promised margaritas husband will concoct. Yes indeed, this will be a week full of relaxation and glee, and I am so looking forward to it, I can't tell you.

P.S. Regarding Shedding the Depends... Sam was wet that very first morning only, and has had dry pants every night since. :c) Guess he decided that laundry business was for the birds. That's my boy!

Enjoying the view

Well, the Mourning Dove babies are big enough now to appreciate the view from my pretty geranium. As I was going to get the mail, I noticed this brave little one at the edge of the basket checking out the scenery while mom sat behind him with brother (or sister) to her other side.



I knew I had not seen mom leave the nest, and as I looked up more facts about their nesting habits, I was surprised to learn the following... "The male incubates and broods during the day while the female does the same during the night, early morning, and late afternoon; and both parents regurgitate "pigeon milk" for the young. Two striking differences between the nest behavior of mourning doves and most passerine birds is the almost constant brooding of the young till near the end of the nest life and the lack of any sanitary care of the nest. As a rule one or the other parent is continuously on the nest from the time the first egg is laid until the young are fairly well grown."

Now, that is hard core commitment. Living in a basket full of bird poop until they fledge? I would definitely not make a good Dove mom. I am sure, however, that my geranium is enjoying the additional fertilizer.

Unexpected ice

Last night, while we were watching the news, we heard a banging against our windows. We went to look out, and witnessed a mighty hail storm! Very unexpected and scary. We'd just been watching the local news earlier and saw images of some baseball sized hail sent in by viewers north of here, but we were not expecting any hail of our own. The scary part was that the rain was coming in sideways in sheets against the windows, so the pinging got louder and harder against the glass. At least our hail was large marble sized. I can't imagine how scary it was to see this coming down the size of baseballs. It stopped within a few minutes, and then it began melting instantly in the heat.

Later, after going to bed, we were awakened at 3AM with yet more storms passing through. Lots of lightning flashed into the house, and Sam woke up as well. We just all lay awake whispering and comforting each other that, it too, would soon pass and there would be calm and peace again. We all fell back asleep fairly easily. The storms of life. They come, sometimes fiercely, but they always pass, don't they? The knowledge of that gives me peace and makes me less afraid.

A full tummy

Yesterday, I was putting some Miracle Grow on the geraniums (and Mom Dove finally has two sweet babies hatched, by the way, but I can't get a good angle within the leaves to get a photo of them without spooking them), I was watching another feeding drama play out on the other side of the porch. This baby mockingbird was squawking loudly, so I knew mom had to be nearby. Baby just sat there next to the Nandina simply knowing that a good worm was soon coming.

Sure enough, mom came flying in to feed this hungry child. It happened so fast and I was so intent on getting her in the lens that I missed her giving her youngster an evening treat, but as I was hanging out by the porch with my lens trained on the baby, it became apparent, that whatever it was, it was enough...





The next thing I knew, the baby just plopped down, closed it's eyes, and started snoozing away to dream of the next big worm.

Chicago Peace

I am not a rose grower, as they take so much patience and work, that I've never wanted to tempt the fate of roses not properly cared for in a garden. However, when my mother-in-law passed away last year, my co-worker presented me with two Chicago Peace roses in her memory. So, I sort of had to plant them, and all last year, they only developed wild stalks of foliage without a single bloom. Just growing wildly, willy nilly.

I consulted my dad, who has grown roses successfully for years, and we cut them back nicely in the fall hoping they'd come out more bushy and finally bloom. I've not been keeping a close eye on them as they are in the bed on the side of the house, but my eye caught something as I pulled up to the house yesterday. I walked around the side to be greeted with the very first bloom, which I'd almost missed completely. I buried my nose in it's lovely fragrance and smiled as I remembered how much Madge loved and tended the 100+ roses in her garden down in Way South Georgia. Somehow, I know she is proud that I planted them, and will see that they continue to bloom.

Who were the hotties?

So we're watching Larry King before turning the bedside lamp off, and there's Donny and Marie Osmond. Excuse me? Did I just hear him tell Larry King that he's a grandfather? Husband and I both look at one another and say, "We're old."

Dear Lord... wasn't it only yesterday that we were singing "Go Away Little Girl" and "Puppy Love," hanging our Tiger Beat posters of him on the wall, and only wearing purple socks in his honor? I mean, it seemed to take years for his voice to even change, right? Now, he's a grandfather at 47? Got me to thinking about those guys we were crazy for oh, so many years ago....

Did anyone else watch Here Come the Brides? Oh, how we swooned over Jeremy Bolt, played by Bobby Sherman. What a hottie, before we even knew what a hottie was. Speaking of hotties, remember watching Davy Jones with The Monkees? Another favorite was Big Valley with Lee Majors as Heath Cartwright, the blond, hunky, and moody cowboy. We wanted to tame him, all the while wishing we looked like his sister Audra (Linda Evans), coming down that winding staircase each episode. Later, it was on to Medical Center and wishing Chad Everett (as Dr. Joe Gannon) was our personal physician. Those were the days...

These days? Um.... after seeing Meredith with Dr. McDreamy Monday night... I'm needing cold showers. I almost wore out the TiVo on that one scene...sigh.. what will she do? Those who have not, really need to tune into Grey's Anatomy in the fall.

Sweet feeding

As I was sitting at the kitchen table Monday, I heard all this racket coming from the feeder outside. I looked out to see this very hungry and impatient baby house finch doing his darndest to get his dad's attention for some food.

His Dad just ignored him on the feeder, but then jumped over to the deck rail.The baby did not miss a beat. He sat directly in front of his dad waving his wings madly and holding his mouth open... pleading... begging.

Dad worked on a seed, holding it in his mouth just so... then finally gave in and filled that mouth full so it might shush for a little while.

What a sweet, sweet image to witness...

Words feed my soul

Over the past days of my snorting and coughing, I have thoroughly indulged myself in some entertaining Nora Roberts novels. Fun, fast reading where all the men are rugged and exceptionally understanding of their women, the women are willowy and smart, and romance always wins. Just plain feel-good-about-how-you-wish-life-could-really-be books. I've been so deeply immersed recently in books about faith and spirituality, that it was good to take a break and escape into a world of mysterious ghosts and romance with Nora's "In the Garden" trilogy. I simply love to read. Reading feeds my soul. I can't imagine not reading, or not having a constant stack on my nightstand I am waiting to dive into. When I walk into a Barnes and Noble, I know that if it's my last day, I could die happy with the smell of coffee and books all around me. I also imagine that there is a room in heaven where there are books to read and coffee to drink for eternity. That alone is reason enough to be good here on earth... hehe.

My parents fostered a love of books and reading at an early age. I vividly remember my dad taking us to the "Bookmobile" in the parking lot of our local mall on Saturdays where you could check out up to three books and return them in a couple of weeks. I can close my eyes to this day and remember the smell of the books in there and the sound of that device that they used to record your library card and the books you checked out. What were those anyway? How fun it was to browse through that rolling satellite library on wheels to find Dick and Jane stories I'd not read yet. They often asked us to read aloud to them, and oh, how I loved even adding my own words into the text! I know that the early love of books and reading were integral in my love of learning.

I just can't imagine my life without books. What a genuine pleasure and joy. I'm off to finish the final pages of the last book in the trilogy, Red Lily. Those characters have become my good company over the past few days, along with the lotion filled tissues. I do hope they find out about what will help Amelia's ghost finally rest before Hayley and Harper's wedding. Somehow, methinks everyone will live happily ever after.

Shedding the Depends

Guess I don't have to explain that potty training a child with autism is quite a venture. When there is no internal motivation to learn and it matters not that you can now wear "big boy" pants, you have to find other things to reinforce the need. We did a "potty weekend" when Sam was just past 4. Just locked ourselves in the bathroom with lots of drinks and treats, and had him without pants all weekend. He was heavily reinforced with fun praise, videos, and treats when he would "go in the potty." It was exhausting, but it worked. It took us a bit longer to get the No.2 part, but within weeks he was fully potty trained.

We moved into this new home when he was six. His bedroom was upstairs, and I attributed new episodes of nighttime accidents to that, and the transition to a new place. We started wearing Pull-Ups at night. That was probably my first bad mistake. For you see, now we're 13, and Pull-Ups no longer fit of course, and so we have to use the pull-on Depends. He is such a sound sleeper that he just never wakes up, and for some reason his bladder and brain don't communicate. We've tried one of the new fangled potty alarms, and for the first couple of nights, it worked fine. He jumped right up and went to the bathroom. After a couple of nights, I risked breaking my neck to get upstairs when the thing went off only to find him sleeping soundly through it in a soaked bed. This gadget even had different alarms so the kid does not get used to a certain sound. The only thing we were accomplishing was getting me really grouchy due to lack of uninterrupted sleep.

Because it's not a social issue for him with peers and he does not go on sleep-overs etc., I just decided that it would run it's course and once his bladder caught up with his brain, it would stop. In other words, I knew he would not be 30 and still having nighttime wetting. I had discussed all of this with our pediatrician and he agreed that, especially with late enuresis (the medical term for it) in our family, he would be longer outgrowing it. But, truthfully, I am now seeing that my letting him use the pants all this time has created this sense of security that he won't wake up in a wet bed. So I had decided that this summer, we'd tackle this issue once and for all. I told him a week ago or so that we were going to stop the "nighttime pants" and use regular underwear. I decided that he needs to own this himself for it to change. If he has accidents, he can strip his bed, put the things in the washer and put them back on the bed. This might better help to reinforce his brain to wake his poor bladder up in the night, or better, to not release at all.

Well, last night, out of the blue, he told me that he was not wearing "those diapers" to bed any longer. Um... ok.... so we put on our underwear, and of course, woke up soaked this morning. I had him get into the bathtub to wash off. Then, he was told to strip his bed and take it to the laundry room where this afternoon I'll have him put them in the washer and dryer. This is not going to be fun, and I may need to buy stock in Tide, but I know in the end, it will be worth it. Please pray for more dry than wet nights and for my sanity.

Happy Mother's Day

Here I sit, still stuffed up with my head in a fluid bubble, but listening to Jewel's new CD, Goodbye Alice in Wonderland, which is pretty darn enjoyable. I acted surprised when Sam came into the bathroom while I was brushing my teeth to hand me an Amazon wrapped gift smiling as he said, "Happy Mother's Day, Mom!" (Somehow, I became "Mom" instead of "Mama" once he turned 13.) I will say that I was genuinely surprised to sit down here this morning to find two lovely e-cards waiting for me, one from Sam and one from husband.

Over the years, I've contemplated motherhood. One of the most controversial shows Oprah ever had was when a group of moms, with Naomi Wolf, came on to say, "Hey, this motherhood crap is not all it's cut out to be." Just like marriage, motherhood is looked at as one of those noble, wonderful, awe-producing events which has no down sides, or at least, none anyone will readily admit. I mean, if those who have been through it were really brutally honest, we'd possibly end the propagation of our species. People look at babies and melt. Yet, you get the baby home, and your world shifts on it's axis. All of a sudden, your entire world is controlled by the child in your arms. In some ways, you cease to exist as you were before. No, in many ways, you cease to exist period. But no one talks about that side of motherhood, and those who are honest about it are looked at as "bad mothers." The women on Oprah that day were attacked by other mothers in the audience as selfish, self-centered people who never should have had children. I myself was thrilled that there were people honest enough to say, "ALOT about this sucks. Yes, I love my children, and I am glad I had them, I but this is NOT at all what I'd thought it would be. I thought my husband and I would be equal partners in this venture, and yet, it's me that has to take on most of the responsibility for this child. What about me? What about the person I USED to be? Where is she? Will I ever find her again?"

No doubt, it is all consuming. Here is this little life that you have to nurture, and your needs do always come last for some time. Not to say that there aren't some dads who share equally, but it's rare. Especially early on, you are the center of your child's universe. There simply is no harder job than motherhood. You become this multi-tasking machine, always making sure your child's needs are met. The need to protect and nurture is fierce. I remember reading an article about becoming a new mother where someone asked "When will things return to normal in my life?" and the answer was, "When you can't remember what normal used to be." For you see, you have to create a new normal and then things seem normal again.

I can now appreciate so much more what my own mom did, and know that motherhood is definitely not for wimps. Happy Mother's Day to you my wonderful Mother, and to all the moms out there who are nurturing young spirits to grow up healthy and happy. Now, I need to get up, blow my nose, take a shower, and head to the grocery store so my family does not starve this week. ;c)

Pass the tissues

It started with a sore throat Thursday night, and progressed to full head stuffedupness by Friday evening. My nose is raw and even the tissues with lotion are fighting a losing battle. Ugh.

So, for today, here is another in the series of past dahlia bouquets to enjoy. Some of my new tubers have now burst forth from the soil and several are around 6" tall. Can't wait to see what they have to offer. Meanwhile, I hear the couch calling...

"Tee Off" indeed

National Nurse's Week... a time for employers to thankfully reward those nurses who dedicate their lives to helping others and keeping their institutions afloat. Each year, our hospital finds some crafty way to give each and every nurse something (besides a raise) to say "thank you."

Some years they are more creative than others. One year we all got cute Koozie lunch carriers embellished with our hospital's name, and I still use mine. Nice gift. Last year, we had some "financial issues" with the federal government and ended up being fined... oh, $40 million dollars. Bottom line was that no one got a raise last year. We have been waiting with baited breath to see if this year they'd find a way to eke out at least a cost of living increase, but we've heard nothing yet.

However, if yesterday is any indicator, we're in for a lean year. I found my "appreciation gift" waiting for me in the office, and as you can see, it's a.... um.... golf bag sunglass case? Yep, inside is a label which says Tee Off by Norwood (apparently a company which sells promotional products made in China) and it has a little golf club on the zipper, along with a hook to put it on your golf bag? (Hello? I don't own a golf bag.) It's again embellished with our institution's name along with "Thanks for all you do" written above it. It is beyond cheap. I would have loved to have heard the decision making process about going with this particular item. And, according to Norwood's web site, you can order 1000 of these babies for $2.20 each. Seeing as how our thankful institution probably sprung for twice that many, it was probably under a buck. My co-worker feigned surprise and glee about this special thank you as she politely got out an in-house mailing envelope, inserted hers, and put the CEO's name on the front. I fell out laughing. Think he'll get the message?

Becoming a human noodle

Oh... my.... yesterday was my scheduled "spa day." I arrived at the day spa at 9:45 in the morning, and was garbed in a huge fluffy white robe and slippers. First stop was with Cindee for an hour long hot stone massage. If you've never had a massage at all, this is definitely The One to get, and if you've had massages in the past, you've never felt anything like this. I was first rubbed down with lavender vanilla lotion before she held the smooth hot stones in her hands and used them to massage my stressed and tired muscles. There is just not another feeling like this, I can assure you. The heat just sears into the muscle and soon your arms and legs feel like pure noodles. Once she got to my back, I was mush. It was so lovely and I was soon transported to another place mentally. I was not at all sure that I would be able to get up off that table an hour later.

I was then turned over to Toni for a lovely pedicure while I sat in a shiatsu massage chair. I chose OPI's Holy Pink Pagoda for my tootsies. Toni buffed and rubbed my feet and legs with peppermint exfoliant, and finished off with a foot massage before the polishing. Ahhhh... bliss.

Once the pedicure was done, it was on to Kelly for an hour long facial with steam, massage, a mask, and moisture. I fell asleep while the mask was curing with warm compresses over my eyes. Again, it was hard to get off that table and head to the lounge area to get dressed.

I did not walk out of there until 2:15pm, and when I say "walk," I use that word loosely as I felt more like I was floating in a dream. Extreme self-care is highly underrated... it's been way too long since I devoted a day like this to celebrating and pampering myownsweetself.

On being surprised

Oh, how I love to be surprised! I love to receive gifts which I know had thought put into them, and take me fully by surprise. Is there anything better than opening a gift and being just so thrilled at the gesture of kindness involved? Maybe it's not even a gift to open. Maybe it's just a pretty bouquet of blooms, handed to you as a surprise. What joy!

But alas, I am married to the Tell Me What You'd Like For (insert occasion) Man. I laugh and tell him that if I have to tell him then it's negated the entire reason for wrapping a package. But, he then smiles and says, "But, you know me, and so if you don't want to end up with something you don't want, you'd better give me some suggestions." I suppose providing at least three or four things that would be nice at least makes for some surprise, but still... Every now and again, he will totally stun and surprise me, like with my birthday macro lens, and for those times, I bask in the fact that he took a risk and floored me.

He hates to not know what gifts are coming his way. He will badger me endlessly to open things early and to know what they are in their pretty wrappings. So, I was not surprised last night when he said, "Do you want your Mother's Day gift tonight?" A box was on the porch when I got home from Amazon addressed to him, and I knew it contained a gift for me. "No," I told him grinning, "Mother's Day is Sunday, and I, unlike other people I know, can wait." I'll pretend I really don't know what it could be, even though last week he told me that Jewel's new CD was out and that it would make a good Mother's Day gift. Maybe he'll also add some surprise flowers? Naah..... if I want those, I'd better start dropping hints.

Blessed are the poor in spirit

(One of the windows at Aquinata Hall Chapel in Grand Rapids, MI)

I almost have to grin... what is it they say about trusting in grace and listening in times of struggle? Here is the Forward Day by Day Meditation which came in my email yesterday:

Matthew 5:1-10. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

If I were to make an inventory of people whose virtues merit a reward, I would include those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, those who are merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers—all obvious choices. But the poor in spirit? Why?

Jesus understood that self-satisfaction is our enemy. Not only does it makes us superficial, worse it makes us terribly lonely. For when we hurt or find ourselves spiritually impoverished we are likely to look inside ourselves searching for faith and hope. Unless one is poor in spirit, those virtues will not be there. If we are “full of ourselves” then we cannot have room for God, or for those gifts of grace he bestows to the poor in spirit to sustain us in difficult times.

At a particularly low point in my life I realized I was trying to do everything on my own. I just knew I had all the answers and if I just thought long enough I would come up with the solution. But I never did. The minute I acknowledged my powerlessness, my poverty in spirit, and asked God to take charge of my life—that was the blessed time.

"Poverty is to have nothing and desire nothing; yet possessing everything." —Jacopone

OK, Lord... I think I shall get off at this exit... take the wheel. The journey is so much more enjoyable when I let you drive.

Shower affirmations

Several years ago, I purchased a set of laminated shower affirmation cards from Femail Creations. It's a really neat catalog with quite unique items. I never actually hung them in the shower because I am more of a bubble-bath, light-the-candles kind of girl. So, I put them on my mirror over my bathroom sink, and more recently, I've rotated them on a clip stand for photos here on the computer desk. Sometimes, I forget the card is even there, but yesterday I glanced over and read the one that is on there now... " I am grateful...I breathe and feel a deep sense of gratitude for this day. I am thankful for the opportunity to live, learn, and love and I take nothing for granted. Life abundantly supports me and I am worthy of all the good I can imagine and more!"

Oh, how our days can be so influenced by our thoughts and how we choose to focus them. If we choose to live in sadness and negativity, which I have found myself doing on and off for the past couple of weeks, we cease to move forward. We get stuck and consumed by it. Our attitude really is a choice we make, is it not? We can't control circumstances, but we can control how we respond. I probably need to move them back to a more prominent place just so I can be reminded each day where to focus my thoughts. Positive energy reminders never hurt a soul.

Here are some other favorites:

"My thoughts create my experience... I release old, self-defeating beliefs and replace every negative thought with a positive, fulfilling one. I am in charge of my thoughts - each one is powerful. I feel open to become all that I am created to be."

"I choose to be happy... Happiness is not dependent on my circumstances - It's a choice I make. I look for the good in everything. Although I may not see it now, there is a gift and a blessing in every situation. The joy within me overflows into all areas of my life."

"I live in the moment... I live today as if it were my last. I cherish each and every moment and trust that everything happens for a reason. I live freely and fully in endless love, light, and joy. I feel relaxed and glad to be alive because all is well."

Avian envy

Wow, check out this cool photo my sister took off her deck southwest of Atlanta. Never in a million years will I get a Rose-Breasted Grosbeak at my feeders. And, he came with the Mrs. as well. OH, I am so green! To add insult to injury, she also was visited by an Indigo Bunting on the same day.




I had a bunting once last year for a fleeting moment. I was shaking so much with disbelief and excitement that I had to get hubby to snap this photo. Sadly, because of the rain and the particular feeder he was on, it was not a very good shot. My first and probably only visit ever by an Indigo Bunting and no great photos. Drats!

My sister's house has a large wooded area behind it, and lots of tall pines and hardwoods, and so she gets all sorts of specimens visiting her feeders. One summer, she had several different feeding stations set up on her deck offering up all sorts of treats, and had so many different visitors, that sitting in her kitchen looking out the big window was like a educational avian lab. You could have literally sat there for hours marveling at all the different birds sampling the treats at one moment in time. Cool beans... cool beans indeed. Still I am green, but happy that I can share vicariously in her good fortune.

Sweet surprises

As I was watering my geraniums on the porch last night and having a conversation with mom Dove about how tired she must be of sitting there on those eggs, I noticed something move out of the corner of my eye. I looked down over the porch rail into the cherry laurel, and lo and behold, what a sweet surprise! I put down my watering pitcher and ran for the camera. I was rewarded with this photo of more new life from this spring. He/she was quite calm and just posed nicely as I snapped some photos and then went back into the house to reward patience with a nice piece of red leaf lettuce.

King of the backyard

Often times I wonder who will prevail... the Blue Jay, or the No-I-Can-Be-Louder-Than-You Mockingbird. They seem to have mutual respect for each other, and grant one another wide berth around my feeders. This guy landed on the deck railing after a gentle rain and granted me a quick snapshot. Then, he stole a peanut from the feeder and squawked away, still feeling like the king.

Expectations

It occurred to me the other day as I looked out my kitchen window that I did not get to fully enjoy my Japanese Cherry tree blooming this year. Each year, as in this photo from last year, it has a plethora of fat, fluffy pink blossoms all over it come spring. But, I suppose this spring was different. It came fast and furious with higher than normal temps a good bit earlier when the tree was full of buds. I do remember that much. But, then there was a quick return to colder weather, which must have either killed or stunted the blooming this year, as all I remember was it leafing out with only a few renegade blooms visible within the foliage. I was expecting it to be as magnificent this year as it's been in years past and was looking forward to the potential photos, but had to settle for the fact that, at least, it survived the winter.

Expectations... I've had quite a few unfulfilled recently, and it's been hard. Comparing and contrasting situations from last year to this year, and being full of disappointment and even anger. Yet, today is today, and last year was last year. It can't and won't be the same, I know that. Can I enjoy where I am and be happy? Or do I keep sadly looking for something to meet all those prior expectations? It reminds me of the quote which cheerfully says, "Bloom Where You Are Planted." Hmmm... Maybe I just need some Miracle Grow?

Revisiting the past

Each night this week on PBS from 8-10pm, a show called Texas Ranch House is airing. It's a show about a group of 21st century people who struggle to live as they lived in 1867 on a ranch. I am recording it on TiVo so I can sit and leisurely watch. I am very intrigued by shows like this. They allow us to visit another time and see how hard it was for people just to survive.

I remember watching Colonial House on PBS a couple of years ago, and it was really interesting to see how much we, in our modern sensibilities, can laugh and reject certain expectations of the time. In many ways, we've become so soft and unable to survive left to our own devices. We can't feed ourselves or clothe ourselves without being consumers, and we take so much for granted. It's especially interesting to watch the teens and younger people as the realization hits them. I remember a poignant moment after Colonial House was over and one family was back home being interviewed. One of the kids was really missing the quiet simplicity and amount of quality time the family had to spend together. When he remembered how there were no toys to entertain him there, he said something to the effect that initially it was hard, but after a time, he rediscovered his imagination once again. A great reason to revisit the past.

Dad and the kids

Last night while I was grilling, I saw my male bluebird come flying in to the feeder to get some sunflower kernels. Soon afterwards, all three of their babies (who fledged on April 17th) came to the feeder as well for a treat. It was so cute to see them take turns jumping into the feeder, while dad kept things under control just outside. Soon, these diligent parents will be working on their second nest of the season.

Speaking of diligent parents, a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to John, a lovely friend and another great dad!

Made me smile

I usually go to the grocery store after church on Sunday as I love the huge grocery store located nearby. I got up to the register with my buggy full of groceries for the week, and was getting ready to swipe my debit card, when I heard the cashier guy say, "Ma'am? I'll need to see some ID." I just knew that when I looked up, he'd have a big grin on his face as he was beginning to scan husband's Hefeweizen beer. I mean, come on... I am waaaaaay past 21, and have not been carded in years. But, he was dead serious. I began to enjoy the ear splitting grin I found on my face as I showed him that I was "legal" to purchase beer. As he looked at my date of birth on my driver's license, I said, "I"m 44, so that means you just made my day." He smiled and said, "Well, you certainly don't look it, and I have to be sure you know."

Indeed, I think I had a little fun kick in my step as I wheeled my buggy to the parking lot. Yes, and that ear splitting grin was still there for some time.